onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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