Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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