if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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