I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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