I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize