I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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