i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
