I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
