Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
