I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
