He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize