I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
