i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
