It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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