You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
