the condom got lost in my hair
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Terrible idea I love it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
