We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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