Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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