Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
