Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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