I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize