How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
