And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
