its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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