Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
