Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
