i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
