He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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