We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
