The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
