I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
