You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize