actually, I'm a sock model
Jerry, you need to find god
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
