I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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