I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize