so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
