Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
