im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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