So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
