wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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