some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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