I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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