dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
