is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
