Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
