Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
