I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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