Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
