yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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