He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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