is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
