he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
not ubering you a puppy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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