and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
