i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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