If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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