Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
now i know why i became what i already was.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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