I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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