Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
