they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
