Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
