not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a search helicopter?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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