I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
