and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Please don't give away my fajitas
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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