Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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