Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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