went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
