My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
